Shop Mobile More Submit  Join Login
×




Details

Submitted on
November 2, 2013
Image Size
962 KB
Resolution
1200×1600
Link
Thumb
Embed

Stats

Views
5,099 (2 today)
Favourites
729 (who?)
Comments
332
×
Double-faced by StephanoTheStatue Double-faced by StephanoTheStatue
I'm on a roll today.

Okay, so, this is the second and maybe the last drawing I'll make about myself as a person. I... Just need to talk about it, just for once. And I won't ever go back on it.

This is something that followed me during all this time. I guess I can't do Stephano anymore, it was bringing me to the border of insanity. You know, I'm a weak person. A very weak, breakable person. You might think that I was a strong guy, who gets justice easily, who doesn't let preople crushing him. No, I'm not. I'm someone who's afraid, literally afraid to go outside of my own bedroom, standing there in front of my computer all day excepted during school days, I flee my family in my own house even if they are kind people, avoiding friends and can barely make some of them, and get an awkward feeling when someone comes into my bedroom, even with my family members. You see, I had problems. Like everybody - or not. It made me socially awkward. I can't talk to people, I always avoid their eyes and I can barely speak. People made me feel worthless and in the same time, they were afraid of me. Now, I'm afraid of them. I'm someone who was in depression before the day I could meet ~Mister-Chair and make this account.
And becoming Stephano helped me for some reason to get stronger. I... managed to stop living in the past and the fear. I learned to be more tough, to face people. I started feeling like I wasn't worthless, thanks to you, bros, and thanks to ~Mister-Chair. Stephano is the totally opposite of me : Strong, self-assured, maybe arrogant but he guides people and help them when they're in danger or in a difficult state. He's like a father with people. I wanted to be him. But...
Having a double life is not funny. At the beginning, it is, but then you have to lie about your own personal life to protect yourself. I had to lie to protect myself. And this was also because Mister-chair and I didn't want to gain watchers thanks to these fan accounts. And... Absorbing Stephano's personality is not that good. I was becoming someone else. Many times I got violent, my tone was harsh when something was annoying me, I found myself shouting at someone, or a friend without any control when I felt a bit of anger in my heart. I was more violent when I didn't mean it. I got scared of myself, and these people felt the same. So yeah, I didn't play with that pretty long because it was becoming dangerous in some way. Playing this game, being Stephano made me weaker on the other hand. I lived in my own shadow because of him. That's something that I suffer everytime I log in DA. Always have to be careful, sometimes I get hysterical fangirls that I have to control (and Jesus Christ I can't do anything, I'm never getting used to it haha)... These things may be the reasons that I'm being less and less active here. I wanted to have fun, but even if on one hand I have wonderful bros, on the other hand I have many art problems ( stolen art and shits) or people trying to get into my personal life, which everytimes makes me stressed like a little bitch. This kind of thing affects me pretty much even if I don't show it. So, yeah. It's. Stressful. Time goes by, and my motivation was drained. Maybe it was also because I had less and less joy when watching PewDiePie's videos. I feel like the good old Amnesia times are gone forever. I prefered the old PewDiePie, if you want my honesty. He's still a very sweet guy, he's always been. But the way of his playing changed...

But yeah. The thing that made me suffer the most when I was here was being someone else, and not me. People like me as "Stephano" most of the time, because I make PewDiePie fan arts and because I act like Stephano. And I just can't come and say : "Hey, I have another DA account, check this out !" It's... No, it's just. Not fair to me. Even if I want to, I just can't. I prefer gaining watchers by hard-working than like this.



And most of all... It hurts me everytime I have to lie. About myself, to people who were really interested in me. But I think I won't say anything about me. Even on the day when this account will be officially dead.

I have to apologize to these concerned persons. I'm sorry.

I'm really sorry.
Add a Comment:
 
:iconjosegoncalo:
josegoncalo Featured By Owner Jul 7, 2014  Hobbyist Digital Artist
:clap:
Reply
:iconkiwi-chan269:
Kiwi-Chan269 Featured By Owner Jun 13, 2014  Student General Artist
I know this is really late to comment on, but after recently seeing your 'Missing' comic, reading the comments under this picture, and even reminded me of the 'Not Good Enough' comic you did for Mister Chair...It just brought up so much feelings for both you, missing the old pewdiepie, as well as my own feelings too. I really dont mean to make this sound like a jumbled mess or anything, but I can completely understand why you'd want to leave the fandom because of how Pewdiepie is now, lacking all the fun and 'magic' he put into his LPs and gaming that made him someone that we all wanted to keep watching and subscribe to on youtube. Because he helped us get through the harder days as well as try to improve ourselves even if it was through his humor and his own way of truly being himself.

I'm not begging you to stay or anything like that, but just know that I'll miss both your art of this fandom as well as the meanings that came with it that you portrayed so well. The recent Missing comic giving me the most feels about it, mostly sad on how less and less there is of the fandom and so many great people in it, including yourself whenever you leave. Your artwork as well as the fandom even inspired me to make my own character for whenever I started LPs of my own, a character based on the lantern you carry around in Amnesia, and I even got him the name Nicholai. Its just...Its so sad to see people go. But, no matter where-ever you go next, I do wish you the most happiness, and that it inspires you to keep going, just like this fandom once did before. Hell I would love to see your other/personal deviantart account, so I could watch your great works there too x3 -hugs- I really wish I could've said all this at the time you posted this piece, but now I finally knew what I wanted to say. At least I hope I got some kind of message through anyway, I'm not very good at this kinda thing myself either x.x Saying my feelings properly and all that.

Just know that you do have friends here that would support you every step of the way, no matter which fandom you go into next, or whatever plan you have for you art in the future. And that if you ever need someone to really talk to, we're all here to listen <3 Same goes for whoever was Mister Chair on DA as well.
Reply
:iconstephanothestatue:
StephanoTheStatue Featured By Owner Jun 13, 2014  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Wow I wasn't expecting such a long and great message ! I don't have the words but I'll try...

Thank you so much for your understanding and I'm sorry for making you feel this way. You describe exactly what I feel about PewDie. I'm kind of relieved to see that I'm not the only one in this situation, I was pretty worried about it.
I'm glad to see your support and your kindness... You are such a great bro. Stay the same !

Thank you again and take care of yourself :)

Love <3
Reply
:iconkiwi-chan269:
Kiwi-Chan269 Featured By Owner Jun 13, 2014  Student General Artist
You take care of yourself too, also I'm happy that my 'attempted to properly make/jumbled' message got through xD <3 And know that Nicholai also thanks you for giving me the inspiration to make him and turn him into his own character x3 I'm glad I'm not the only one who felt the same way about Pewdie and his fandom too, and even if the chance is slim, I hope that one day he'll come back to his senses. Or at least realise how much we miss the real him, rather the real Pewdie we all know ans love. (Not the one that Youtube turned him into once he started working for them x.x If it makes any sense from what I've seen of his vids lately.)

And on your other DA account, be prepared for many faves from me >w<

~Brofist~ :D
Reply
:iconstephanothestatue:
StephanoTheStatue Featured By Owner Jun 13, 2014  Hobbyist Digital Artist
I'm happy to hear that I was an inspiration, it means so much to me !

But yeah, I hope too... It woud be so great.

I saw them already, and I'm already drowning in them !
Reply
:iconkiwi-chan269:
Kiwi-Chan269 Featured By Owner Jun 13, 2014  Student General Artist
You're welcome~ xD

And if you ever wanted to see, here are the only three pics, so far, of Nicholai x3 I plan on making him appear once I start trying to LP myself, hoping to start with Amnesia first <3 Otherwise I've missed drawing Nicholai more myself TT.TT The lack of good Amnesia LPs also being apart of the lack of art reason too.

kiwi-chan269.deviantart.com/ar…
kiwi-chan269.deviantart.com/ar…
kiwi-chan269.deviantart.com/ar…
Reply
:iconstephanothestatue:
StephanoTheStatue Featured By Owner Jun 13, 2014  Hobbyist Digital Artist
OOOOOOH JESUS CHRIST

I REMEMBER HIM.


You showed it to me years ago ! He still looks gorgeous !
Reply
:iconkiwi-chan269:
Kiwi-Chan269 Featured By Owner Jun 13, 2014  Student General Artist
Really? XD I dont even remember LOL

The just lineart I made, the other two images were requests by other artists/I asked them to draw him, and they came out so well <333 The very last one is my most fave~

But yeah, I was thinking Nickie could've sat on either Pewdie's or Stephano's shoulder, maybe even Mr.Chair's. Not really Piggeh's since he flies around way too much XD;; I'm glad you love his design though :D
Reply
:iconstephanothestatue:
StephanoTheStatue Featured By Owner Jun 13, 2014  Hobbyist Digital Artist
He seems to be a lovely boy. <3 Hoping people will love him !
Reply
(1 Reply)
:iconskelegirl:
Skelegirl Featured By Owner May 31, 2014
sweet baby no apologies needed
Reply
Add a Comment: