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Submitted on
November 2, 2013
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Double-faced by StephanoTheStatue Double-faced by StephanoTheStatue
I'm on a roll today.

Okay, so, this is the second and maybe the last drawing I'll make about myself as a person. I... Just need to talk about it, just for once. And I won't ever go back on it.

This is something that followed me during all this time. I guess I can't do Stephano anymore, it was bringing me to the border of insanity. You know, I'm a weak person. A very weak, breakable person. You might think that I was a strong guy, who gets justice easily, who doesn't let preople crushing him. No, I'm not. I'm someone who's afraid, literally afraid to go outside of my own bedroom, standing there in front of my computer all day excepted during school days, I flee my family in my own house even if they are kind people, avoiding friends and can barely make some of them, and get an awkward feeling when someone comes into my bedroom, even with my family members. You see, I had problems. Like everybody - or not. It made me socially awkward. I can't talk to people, I always avoid their eyes and I can barely speak. People made me feel worthless and in the same time, they were afraid of me. Now, I'm afraid of them. I'm someone who was in depression before the day I could meet ~Mister-Chair and make this account.
And becoming Stephano helped me for some reason to get stronger. I... managed to stop living in the past and the fear. I learned to be more tough, to face people. I started feeling like I wasn't worthless, thanks to you, bros, and thanks to ~Mister-Chair. Stephano is the totally opposite of me : Strong, self-assured, maybe arrogant but he guides people and help them when they're in danger or in a difficult state. He's like a father with people. I wanted to be him. But...
Having a double life is not funny. At the beginning, it is, but then you have to lie about your own personal life to protect yourself. I had to lie to protect myself. And this was also because Mister-chair and I didn't want to gain watchers thanks to these fan accounts. And... Absorbing Stephano's personality is not that good. I was becoming someone else. Many times I got violent, my tone was harsh when something was annoying me, I found myself shouting at someone, or a friend without any control when I felt a bit of anger in my heart. I was more violent when I didn't mean it. I got scared of myself, and these people felt the same. So yeah, I didn't play with that pretty long because it was becoming dangerous in some way. Playing this game, being Stephano made me weaker on the other hand. I lived in my own shadow because of him. That's something that I suffer everytime I log in DA. Always have to be careful, sometimes I get hysterical fangirls that I have to control (and Jesus Christ I can't do anything, I'm never getting used to it haha)... These things may be the reasons that I'm being less and less active here. I wanted to have fun, but even if on one hand I have wonderful bros, on the other hand I have many art problems ( stolen art and shits) or people trying to get into my personal life, which everytimes makes me stressed like a little bitch. This kind of thing affects me pretty much even if I don't show it. So, yeah. It's. Stressful. Time goes by, and my motivation was drained. Maybe it was also because I had less and less joy when watching PewDiePie's videos. I feel like the good old Amnesia times are gone forever. I prefered the old PewDiePie, if you want my honesty. He's still a very sweet guy, he's always been. But the way of his playing changed...

But yeah. The thing that made me suffer the most when I was here was being someone else, and not me. People like me as "Stephano" most of the time, because I make PewDiePie fan arts and because I act like Stephano. And I just can't come and say : "Hey, I have another DA account, check this out !" It's... No, it's just. Not fair to me. Even if I want to, I just can't. I prefer gaining watchers by hard-working than like this.

And most of all... It hurts me everytime I have to lie. About myself, to people who were really interested in me. But I think I won't say anything about me. Even on the day when this account will be officially dead.

I have to apologize to these concerned persons. I'm sorry.

I'm really sorry.
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SilviaET Apr 12, 2014  Hobbyist Digital Artist
I agree, Old pewds is better....I feel like pewdie has lost his originality........hell, maybe even lost his sense of humor........I feel like he just dosn't care anymore.......he used to do really cool, and sweet things. Like fridays with pewdiepie, or do things with Marzia on his channel....I mean really.......Hes different now....and I kinda know how you feel....
I think you should be very proud of yourself, you have made so many people smile because of your hard work and effort with these stunning pieces of art! Life is never easy for anyone though. There must always be steep hills and holes but that's what keeps your journey going and gives you experience.I'm sure you'll find a way out of the caves, that is if you are willing to try. :)
StephanoTheStatue Mar 18, 2014  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Thank you very much for such a nice and supportive message, buddy :)
You're awesome.
GirlofGold Mar 13, 2014  New member Student Artist
You know, in a way, I was the same way. I have these, multiple personalities, or obsessions I should say. Like you, I was on the bridge of insanity. It all happened on the computer, so nobody knew what was going on, and I never spoke whatsoever. I was depressed. I never paid attention to my one and only friend at school, I ignored my family, and it just got worse when I started using my pocket knife to scratch up my desk, pretending my blood was leaking from between the marks. Then I saw this, and realized I wasn't alone. I decided to split up my obsessions, using multiple YouTube accounts. I separated all of my subscriptions to different channels, remade all of my playlists, and created accounts on different websites, such as this one, and basically split my soul into different people. Ever since then, I've felt better. I've spent more time with my family, made more friends, and became less, 'emo' let us say. Of course, I faced problems, I could only focus on one obsession at a time, and with different things for different obsessions updating and stuff, they were mixing up, witch almost brought me to insanity again. But it didn't, and over time, I 'gained control' of them. Which brings me to now. I'll soon be introducing all of my obsessions to the world, right here on DeviantART.
ChairofGold: ... Dang. That's... Wow.
FlamingGold: So THAT'S why we all look like you!
Mary: Yep.
GoldieBlox: That's just crazy, girl.
Mary: I know, but it's true.
Squishykitt Mar 11, 2014  Student Filmographer
Okay first of, you don't have to act like anyone for us to love you, some like you because yes you say your Stephano. But I'm telling you the truth when I say we watch you because we care, and love your art style, and appreciate you.

id love to know your other da account and I'd find satisfaction knowing that this is you and you don't feel like you have to lie to make your watchers happy, because you don't :) I am much like you with acting that I'm a different person to what I really am, and I find it difficult speaking to people outside of my room aswell, I can't stop stuttering or losing sentence, so bro.... I'm being serious when I say your not alone :)
PeppermintPizza Mar 2, 2014   Digital Artist
I love you, and it doesn't matter who you are sweetie you're an amazing person! Things are hard for you right now But there are so many people out here  who love for more than being Stephano. *hugs* And I think you are so brave, this here is proof you are.
-raises hand- Um, I really like your art style, fan art or not, so could you tell me your other DA account name anyways, because I'd really like to see more of your work if that's okay <:)
RobinTheBard Dec 15, 2013  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Just so you know, I watch you because I like your art style, not just because you draw Stephano and Pewdiepie stuff. Sure, that's what got me interested, but I stay because you have a real gift. I'm glad your time as Stephano brought you confidence, as it certainly brought happiness to the fans. I understand too that (esp. with method acting) it's scary when you feel like your personality is being overshadowed.  At that point, it's a good idea to take a break. Take all the time you need. But that doesn't mean you have to give it up forever.  Plus, now is the time to see what you can do with your OWN strength, to prove to yourself that you don't have to BE Stephano in order to be strong or confident, because even as Stephano that was still YOU doing it!  Now that you know you have it, you can tailor it in any way you want! ^^

Also I just want to say that this picture is beautiful and I love it and it makes me want to cry and give out random hugs!!! TT-TT
I have to say. I also watched you for your art, not of you being Stephano. You are awesome.
Hey, draw what you want, not what other people want. It's your account after all and if they want something that they do it themselves; I was literally crying after this, because I am getting like that, starting to avoid persons, I don't even have true friends that pay attention to me, I have no one that I can trust my secrets and feelings and get worried about me when shit happens. If you want to show something you like show it! Fuck those little pussies! I really want to know what else you like, sometimes, you have to do what your brain tells you to, not that others get into your mind, don't worry about them, draw what you like because, there may be people that hate it but care more about the people that like it, that love it! Please I'm really worried about you, Start for your real name, where do you live, how you feel, do journals everyday, so we, the people that really care, know that you are ok and if not, help you get trough it. I don't know where you live but I don't think I can help you from her, Mexico, but I can help you by internet, we can talk, tell me in what fandoms you are... Let us see the real side of you, not the one on the other side.

Please be okay, and write something if read...

-Marielle Moran Moriarty
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